Confusing messages…

D is as I type this running around London - looking for a house and job. On Sunday night (the last time I saw him) we seemed ‘ok’ - talking calmly and generally ok, but now he isn’t contacting me back for hours at a time… and that’s even if he can be bothered (it seems). Obviously he is enjoying himself, and obviously he is getting pissed and hanging out with some of his friends. But something is telling me that there is something else going on that I am not being privileged with the information - again!

At the moment I can’t focus at all with work… which is a bit of an issue! I am constantly checking for emails / txt messages - ‘just in case’. However, I think I have decided I am going to treat him when we meet up sometime next week (either Monday or Wednesday)… not only because he deserves it, but because I have been ill for so long, I haven’t been able to treat him to a meal or cinema. Hopefully, he will see what I am trying to do and appreciate it a little… maybe question what he is doing altogether.

However, I have realised that if I had known about ALL the stuff going with him at the moment, I think we wouldn’t even be in this situation. If he had been honest and upfront about his issues, we could of discussed it further and also try to build our relationship back. But, because the way things have played out, it seems he is about 60% sure that he is doing the right decision about running away from everything and starting a fresh. But there is still hope I think… he has admitted that he is still IN love with me, and that it is getting more difficult.

Hopefully, by taking him out on our first real date of almost 10 months (been to the cinema several times and a few meals, but nothing special), it might re-kindle something?! I just honestly feel that I can’t do all that what I am doing without his love and support. Like I have said before, he is my rock. He is an amazing guy, and I just hope he can see I have gone back to what I was before!

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