Living in the Dark…

Well it has been a long time since I spoke about my life on here. Most of the time, you may have noticed, I talk about things I am interested in or items that have inspired me. But today I thought I would vent a little.

At the moment I feel like I am living in the dark. It has been almost 6 months since ‘D’ left me - and the only way I can describe it is that he was the only light in my life.

I have come to realise that I was much happier being single and alone before him than now. Back then, I didn’t know what I was missing. I didn’t know how much depth there could be to the world. But now after I have tasted the sweetness of the fruit, I just can’t think of little else.

I have been told that because my star sign is Cancer, that one of my main characteristics is to long to be loved and excepted by others.  And through I don’t normally believe in such observations, I have a new found respect and understanding for them.

The thing is that I am now lost in this wild world. I have lost my motivation. Lost my drive. Perhaps even lost my soul. I am finding it harder to put up my ‘front’. I sit alone in rooms watching mind-numming TV most of the time. I am just so confused.

Also, due to the fact that I am amazingly in debt (and with Christmas coming) I haven’t been able to get out for a long time. With every new day I am feeling more and more pressure to try and live up to the expectations of the family, and yet try to be truthful to myself. I am unable to vent. I am unable to become ‘me’ anymore. Perhaps I am ‘depressed’, which is fine, but that isn’t really going to help me right now is it?

Has anyone got any suggestions?

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